Feeling Lost and I Don’t Know How to Find Me

The post title says it all, really.

I am lost.

I am not working right now; only on unemployment insurance. My days are spent trolling my Facebook newsfeed, playing Sims, bingeing on Netflix, and reading. None of these things alone are necessarily bad, but when it is all I do day in and day out 7 days a week…that’s not so good.

You see, when I hurt my arm and left my job back in December, I had a plan. I was going to attend an online school to take a Medical Transcription course. The school came highly recommended. I was told the school not only provides the course (and all the assistance required to get through it), but they also help place you with a company afterwards. The biggest draw for me was that I would get to work from home! I had to wait until I was on regular benefits, rather than medical, however.

Once that happened, I really started to look into it deeper.

My initial plan of action had been to have EI help me pay for the course, but I hit a snag. You see, I never completed my High School. HS completion was not a prerequisite for the MT course, but is a requirement to even be considered for funding assistance. Faced with the possibility of having to go into personal debt to take the course I decided to do further research into the school first.

All was not as it seemed, after all.

I found website upon website with people testifying negatively about the course, and the school in particular. Some of the statements said the pay was horrible, you didn’t get any assistance from the school before or after, there was no job security, the schools remain operating but most companies are using other methods, and so much more. That alone wouldn’t have guaranteed an immediate change of route, but many of the testimonies were from people who have been in the industry for 15+ years, and that scared me. I started to really think hard about whether or not I wanted to go into debt to complete a course that I might not even be able to put to use for employment?

In the end, I chose to not do it. It was just too big of a risk for me, and us as a family. We’ve come way too far to put ourselves in financial dire straits again.

So now I am stuck at home trying to find a job that I might like. Again.

I know what I don’t want. No food. Nothing physical (my arm can’t take it). And as for what I do want…something where I have authority, because that’s where I thrive. Something that allows me to still spend time with my family.

But right now almost everyone hiring is hiring for the food industry. I guess that’s what happens when you live on an island.

So still I search.

On a positive note, I am working on my GED again. I am studying the book at home and then I will take the tests. But I haven’t told anyone because I have quit it so many times in the past that I just want to keep it to myself this time. Maybe that will help me push through. For me. Not for anyone else.

I wish venting (rambling) here made me feel better, but I don’t really think it does.

Maybe I’m just hoping someone will tell me I’m not alone.